Dr. Seuss version of Romans 1-8


by John Quintanilla

The following skit was first performed in May 1996 at the Forbes Theatre for the annual PEF (Princeton Evangelical Fellowship) Talent Show.


Narrator

Just a brief introduction before starting: It was our goal to write a script which would tribute Wayne and Carol. As most of the guys know, Wayne loves to teach personal hours from the Book of Romans. And so, to help his lessons sink in a little deeper, we present tonight Romans 1-8 from the Dr. Seuss version of the Bible. However, since Wayne will start at chapter 1, verse 1 and might reach verse 25 by the time someone graduates, we'll begin tonight in Chapter 2.


Romans 2: God is not partial; all have sinned

Cast enters the stage. Narrator is off to the side to read from the book, while the others are the Sneetches... some with stars on their bellies, others without.

Narrator

Now the Star-Belly Sneetches had bellies with stars,
But the Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars.
Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small
You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.
But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches
Would brag,

Sneetch #1

"We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."

Narrator

With their snouts in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort,

Sneetch #1

"We'll have nothing to do with the Plain Belly sort!"

Narrator

And whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
They'd hike right on past them without even talking.

Star-Bellied Sneetches: exit left. Plain: exit right. Sneetches #2 and #3 stay on stage.

Sneetch #2

A star? A star?
It doesn't help at all.
But people claim
They deserve fame
Because of who they are.

Sneetch #3

I know the Law
I know the whole Torah.
The Great I Am
Told Abraham
His children would be called.

Sneetch #2

You say that you are chosen,
But you do not obey
The law you claim
And so you're toast,
The law convicts by saying,

"You sinned! You sinned!
You're rotten deep within!
You think you're great,
But just you wait:
You're worse than Mister Grinch!"


Romans 3:1-23: The extreme depravity of man

Scene change. From left to right: a singer alone, Yertle sitting in a chair with "turtles" in the surrounding pond, and the Lorax alone.

Singer

You're a mean one, Mister Grinch
You really are a heel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch,
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

Narrator

On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond
Yertle the Turtle was king of the pond.
A nice little pond. It was clean. It was neat.
The water was warm. There was plenty to eat.
The turtles had everything turtles might need.
And they were all happy. Quite happy indeed.
They WERE, until Yertle, the king of them all,
Decided the kingdom he ruled was too small.

Yertle

I'm ruler,

Narrator

said Yertle,

Yertle

of all that I see.
But I don't see ENOUGH. That's the problem with me.
With this stone for a throne, I look down on my pond.
But I cannot look down on the places beyond.
This throne that I sit on is too, too low down.
It ought to be higher!

Narrator

he said with a frown.

Yertle

If I could sit a high, how much greater I'd be!
What a king! I'd be ruler of all I could see!


Lorax

I meant no harm. I most truly did not.
But I had to grow bigger. So bigger I got.
I biggered my factory. I biggered my roads.
I biggered my wagons. I biggered the loads
Of the the Thneeds I shipped out. I was shipping them forth
To the South! To the East! To the West! To the North!
I went right on biggering, selling more Thneeds,
And biggered my money, which everyone needs.

Singer

You're a rotter, Mister Grinch,
You're the king of sinful sots
You're a heart of dead tomato squashed with moldy purple spots, Mister Grinch,
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

Yertle orders the turtles to lift his throne higher. He is now sitting in a chair six feet over the stage, with each turtle grabbing one of the chair's legs.

Yertle

I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There's nothing, no NOTHING, that's higher than me!

The crescent moon rises over Yertle.

Narrator

But while he was shouting, he saw with surprise
That the moon of the evening was starting to rise
Up over his head in the darkening skies.

Yertle

What's THAT?

Narrator

snorted Yertle.

Yertle

Say, what is that thing
That dares to be higher than Yertle the King?
I shall not allow it! I'll go higher still!
I'll build my throne higher! I can and I will!


Lorax

And then I got mad. I got terribly mad.
I yelled at the Lorax, "Now listen here, Dad!
All you do is yap-yap and say, `Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!'
Well, I have my rights sir, and I'm telling you
I intend to go on doing just what I do!
And for your information, you Lorax, I'm figgering
On biggering and biggering and biggering and BIGGERING
Turning MORE Truffala Trees into Thneeds,
Which everyone, everyone, EVERYONE needs!

Singer

You nauseate me, Mister Grinch,
With a nauseous super "naus!"
You're a crooked dirty jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss, Mister Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled-up knots!



Lorax

The Great I Am! The Great I Am!
I do not like the Great I Am!

Singer

And I don't like green eggs and ham!


Narrator (reading from Romans 3)

There is no difference, for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.


Romans 6: The relationship between sin and grace

Scene change. Paul is speaking with two cynics.

Narrator

Flipping to late in Romans 5: We also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. The law entered that the offense may abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Cynic #1

Ah.... what shall we say then?
Could I, should I, so grace will reign,
Inflict upon a foe great pain?

Cynic #2

Or could I, should I, so grace will reign,
Leave someone's thesis out in the rain?

Paul

You could not, should not, so grace will reign,
Inflict upon a foe great pain
Or leave someone's thesis out in the rain.
You life should begin anew.
We often forget, but it's true:
On a hill long ago
Where the blood runs below
Died a King, two thieves, and you.

Narrator (reading from Romans 6)

Present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Cynic #2

Ah... what shall we say then?
Could I, should I, justified by "grace,"
Club someone over the head with a vase?

Cynic #1

Or could I, should I, justified by "grace,"
Spray that guy (points to Narrator) with a can of Mace?

Paul

You could not, should not, justified by grace,
Club someone over the head with a vase...

Narrator

Or spray that guy with a can of Mace.

Paul

You should not trespass on a boat.
You should not trespass in a moat.
You should not trespass in spring heat.
You should not trespass on the street.
Not in the dark! Not running late!
Not in a car! Not on a date!
Follow God when you're in a box.
Follow God when you're with a fox.
He's your Master, here or there.
He is sovereign everywhere.
He's our God, our Paschal Lamb,
The King of Kings, the Great I Am.


Romans 8: Living through the Spirit

Narrator (reading from Romans 8)

Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation -- but it is not to the sinful nature. If you live by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, and you will live.

Sneetches return and start shaking hands

Sneetch #1

Distinctions are gone. I'm quite happy to say.
That the Sneetches got really smart on that day,
The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches
And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars,
And whether they had one, or not, upon thars.

Cast exits, except for Narrator

Narrator

The Spirit produces a life which is great,
And our cast refers you to read Romans eight.
But though we're promised future glory
Our lives are often much more gory.
Sometimes you slip and fall away
For sins confessed just yesterday,
And you and God feel MILES apart ---
But God will finish what He starts:
'Cause God meant what He said, and He said what He meant,
And our God is faithful, one hundred percent.